The Blackwave Party’s Trident policy

The UK Parliament will be voting on Trident renewal tomorrow.

Our Party strongly believes that nuclear weapons are unethical and that possessing nuclear weapons is hypocritical, even (perhaps especially) if done in the name of ‘deterrence’ or ‘self-defence’. On a more practical level, we believe that merely possessing nuclear weapons, without any intent to use them, is dangerous not just to other nations but also to ourselves, because of the possibility of an accidental provocation or other forms of human error. We also believe that the money spent on Trident, estimated at £205bn a year, could be put to much better use, especially in education.

However, we acknowledge that thousands of workers’ jobs depend on the maintenance of the nuclear submarines and its related systems, and that a decommissioning of Trident could lead to ‘tens of thousands of defence engineers’ being put out of work.

Therefore, our Party’s policy is as follows. If elected, we shall scrap Trident. The money saved will be spent on setting up technical colleges throughout the country. These will be used to retrain people to become carpenters and glaziers, with course fees heavily subsidised or even waived. Then, for every worker made redundant by the decommissioning of Trident, I shall personally go and smash all the windows and doors in a town (or village or London borough).

This policy will guarantee full employment, increased spending on education, and a better-trained workforce. The money spent on repairing broken windows and doors would also boost GDP. Any damage or destruction would be instantly repairable, and minimal compared to the damage that an accidentally-triggered nuclear war would cause.

In fact, money could also be spent on training people to become doctors and nurses. This would relieve some of the pressure on the NHS. Again, full employment will be guaranteed by a group of Blackwave Party thugs, whose responsibility will be to break the legs of the people who complain about their windows being smashed up.

We hope that all Members of Parliament, especially Labour MPs who go on about employment, will see the good sense behind our proposals.

Meditation without the Internet

I regularly sing at St Clement’s Church, Cambridge, one of the oldest and most traditional churches in Cambridge. However, it was only yesterday that I noticed the sign that they put outside:


The church doesn’t have a toilet inside, but I suppose wifi is more important. (And now that I know that there is wifi, I expect I shall be even more distracted during choir.)


I am disappointed at the outcome of the EU referendum, as well as the way the campaign was conducted, for several reasons, which need not be detailed here.

But I have been cheered up, after my attention was drawn to this speech by Nick Clegg in 2014:

That’s what we are fighting for. So what are we fighting against? Imagine again what it will be like in 2020, but this time with the Conservatives in Government on their own. Britain, diminished and divided after a botched attempt to renegotiate our relationship with Europe and a vote to withdraw from the European Union. Companies pulling out of the UK left, right and centre, the markets losing confidence, hiking up our borrowing costs and halting the recovery in its tracks. Workers fearing for their jobs, not just because the companies they work for are plunged into uncertainty but because their bosses can fire them at will, no questions asked. The young and the working poor hit time and time again as George Osborne takes his axe to the welfare budget with no regard for the impact on people’s lives. Schools run in the interests of profit for shareholders rather than the life chances of their pupils. A Home Office state snooping on your emails and social media. Opportunity reserved for a few at the top and everyone else told to make do with what they’ve got. A Tory party leadership in hock to their right wing, desperately running after and pandering to UKIP’s ugly nationalism. A Prime Minister trapped between being a poor man’s Margaret Thatcher and a rich man’s Nigel Farage. “Compassionate Conservatism” just a sound bite from a bygone age.

How prescient.