The Blackwave Party’s Trident policy

The UK Parliament will be voting on Trident renewal tomorrow.

Our Party strongly believes that nuclear weapons are unethical and that possessing nuclear weapons is hypocritical, even (perhaps especially) if done in the name of ‘deterrence’ or ‘self-defence’. On a more practical level, we believe that merely possessing nuclear weapons, without any intent to use them, is dangerous not just to other nations but also to ourselves, because of the possibility of an accidental provocation or other forms of human error. We also believe that the money spent on Trident, estimated at £205bn a year, could be put to much better use, especially in education.

However, we acknowledge that thousands of workers’ jobs depend on the maintenance of the nuclear submarines and its related systems, and that a decommissioning of Trident could lead to ‘tens of thousands of defence engineers’ being put out of work.

Therefore, our Party’s policy is as follows. If elected, we shall scrap Trident. The money saved will be spent on setting up technical colleges throughout the country. These will be used to retrain people to become carpenters and glaziers, with course fees heavily subsidised or even waived. Then, for every worker made redundant by the decommissioning of Trident, I shall personally go and smash all the windows and doors in a town (or village or London borough).

This policy will guarantee full employment, increased spending on education, and a better-trained workforce. The money spent on repairing broken windows and doors would also boost GDP. Any damage or destruction would be instantly repairable, and minimal compared to the damage that an accidentally-triggered nuclear war would cause.

In fact, money could also be spent on training people to become doctors and nurses. This would relieve some of the pressure on the NHS. Again, full employment will be guaranteed by a group of Blackwave Party thugs, whose responsibility will be to break the legs of the people who complain about their windows being smashed up.

We hope that all Members of Parliament, especially Labour MPs who go on about employment, will see the good sense behind our proposals.

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